I contribute headlines and articles for Above Average and their sports site, The Kicker

  1. Tim Duncan Nails $20 Limit For Spurs Secret Santa
  2. Amazing: Female NCAA Players Paid The Same as Men
  3. Every Olympic Swimmer Tests Positive For All Drugs After Dip In Rio Bay
  4. SoulCycle Class Found Dead With Half-Finished Kool-Aid Cups
  5. Stroller Baby Beats Dad By A Nose In 5K
  6. Usain Bolt Moonlighting As Ball Boy At US Open
  7. Talib: “We Need To Find This ‘Himself’ Guy And Bring Him To Justice”
  8. Big Papi Send-Off: Southie Pools Money To Give Ortiz 1993 Impreza
  9. Fitzpatrick Intercepted Throwing Jersey Into Hamper
  10. Mets: “Tim, You’ve Gotta Stop Tebowing On The Basepaths”
  11. Tim Kaine Takes America For Ice Cream For Sitting Through Whole Debate
  12. Focused Trump Watches Debate Tape To Find More Times To Interrupt
  13. Goff: “I Can’t Wait Until I’m Old Enough To Vote”
  14. Neutral Switzerland Refuses To Celebrate Wawrinka Victory
  15. Rio Tries To Return Stadiums With Saved Receipt
  16. Jared Goff’s Mom Takes Him Back To Football Shopping
  17. Goff Accidentally Joins BLM Movement By Tying Shoes During Anthem
  18. Bat Boy Risks It All Slapping Harper On Butt After Homer
  19. All 24 Cav Testicles Breathe Sigh Of Relief At Green’s Suspension
  20. ESPN Body Issue Includes Horrifying Spread Of Team Owners
  21. Cruz Ejected from Presidential Race with Flagrant 2
  22. Bowling Alley Forced To Close After Visit From US Shot Put Team
  23. Bernie To Cavs: “Don’t Give Up! The Points System Is Rigged!”
  24. Bradford Spends Camp Condescendingly Showing Wentz How To Throw Spiral
  25. Bernie Sanders Pledges To Break Up UConn Women’s Team
  26. China Finally Completes Construction On Yao Ming’s Standing Desk
  27. Steve Ballmer Admits Condor Is Windows Vista Of Mascots
  28. Dwyane Wade: “I Thought ‘O Canada’ Was Just A Low-Key Jock Jam”
  29. Too Far? Odor Celebrates Punch By Severing And Flipping Own Arm
  30. Dad Talks About $15 Beer At Ski Lodge Whole Car Ride Home
  31. Ultimate Frisbee Championship Marred By 4-Hour Light Breeze Delay
  32. Shaken Newton Checks Overhead Bin For Von Miller
  33. Solange Knowles Performs Lackluster Super Tuesday Halftime Show
  34. Cam Newton Experiences First Moment of Self Doubt Trying to Open Pickle Jar
  35. Belichick Tenderly Informs Brady This Could Be Last Manning Visit
  36. Geico Claims Adjuster Looks On In Horror At Talladega
  37. Gronk’s Shower Thoughts
  38. Leaked Transcript: Belichick Tenderly Informs Brady This Could Be Last Manning Visit
  39. Al Jazeera Sues Ryan Howard For Hulksmashing Their Offices
  40. Kyle Busch Changes Name Back To “Jones” After Busch Light Sponsorship Expires
  41. Santa Recruits American Pharoah To Head Reindeer Team
  42. BMX Biker Sets Pizza Hut Delivery Record
  43. Kyle Busch Changes Name Back To “Jones” After Busch Light Sponsorship Expires
  44. Santa Recruits American Pharoah To Head Reindeer Team
  45. Tim Duncan Nails $20 Limit For Spurs Secret Santa
  46. Eli Undergoes Procedure to Unfreeze “Manning Face” After Brutal Loss
  47. Badminton Commentator Says ‘Shuttlecock’ Record 37 Times Without Giggling
  48. Turkey Trot 5K Marred By Doping Scandal
  49. Hot Dog Vendor to Kobe: “Oh, Are Your Legs Tired?”
  50. They Took My Prostitutes, Then My Big Gulps, And Now My Daily Fantasy
  51. UFC To Screen Frozen To Fill Time After Rousey Knockout
  52. Ronda Rousey’s Fight Day Timeline
  53. Jealous LeBron Gets Eyebrow Plugs
  54. Giddy Goodell Relishes First Major Fine of the Season
  55. REPORT: Daniel Murphy Has Been Taking That Pill From “Limitless”
  56. USA Soccer One Loss Away From Not Making ESPN’s Front Page
  57. Trump on USA loss: “We need to stop letting Mexicans into our stadiums”
  58. Derek Jeter starting to regret moving to retirement home
  59. Soccer Coach Winces as Worst Player Receives Participation Trophy
  60. Women’s Room at League of Legends Championship in Pristine Condition
  61. Adam Vinatieri Grandfathered Into 20 Yard Extra Point
  62. Matt Harvey’s Doctor’s Note Clearly Forged
  63. Roger Goodell Bankrupts Ref with $30,000 Fine for Missed Call
  64. Cris Carter’s Fall Guy Admits to Wearing Full Body Cris Carter Suit During Rookie Symposium
  65. Roger Federer Uses First Few Rounds of US Open to Catch Up on “This American Life”
  66. Kansas State Band Pre-emptively Apologizes for “Kansas, Kansas, Kansas!” Acronym
  67. Marshawn Lynch’s Mom Ready to Go Beast Mode During Parent-Coach Conference
  68. Dad Takes Son Out Back to Toss Around the Madden ’16
  69. Brandon Weeden Preemptively Coating Bones in Adamantium
  70. Fantasy Draft Dodger Extradited From Canada
  71. High School English Teacher Shaping Up To Be a Piss Poor Track Coach
  72. Lunar Eclipse While Cubs Make Playoffs Won’t Occur For Another 836 Years
  73. Tom Brady Finally Collapses After Four Straight Weeks of Vengeful Laughter